My nervous breakdown...

So I couldnt sleep last night regardless of the fact that I couldnt hold my eyes open and went to bed at 8pm. By 1:30, the nervous breakdown I knew was pending finally hit me. Probably the first of many to come throughout this process. See, its been an emotional rollercoaster of a week for me. Finally got the keys to the house, cried happy tears. Went back and looked at the size of the house, cried nervous tears. Husband neglected paying union dues till his primary source of income fired him, cried very very nervous tears. Heard my cousin is in a coma and possibly wont make it out, cried sad tears. SO yesterday to take my mind off everything Justin finally gave in and took me to the new house to start my ritual cleaning process. I had been so excited about this move for so long, I think I mentally rebuilt the house to be the way I wanted...because after not seeing the inside for weeks I forgot how small it was in there. That was the breaking point for my 1am breakdown. I cried like a baby grieving the loss of my nice, new big house. The house with more room and more huge cupboards than I could ever fill. I honest to God dont think my dinner table will fit in that dollhouse sized dining room. I laid awake and visualized my kids eating on a card table. I really dont think my dresser will fit, and the closet is about 1/5 of the size of the one I have now, so I cant just get rid of the dresser and live out of the closet. I think this whole time I fooled myself into being happy and excited because I knew we really had no other choice. Now I am sad for it. I visualized myself getting a job and working overnight and missing out on ym kids' lives the way my husband has for two years now..but no more. I cried thinking of how theres no place for their toybox..no place for our sofas. No place for my coffee pot on the no counter. No place for my tupperware in those microscopic 1970's cupboards. I really hate that kitchen by the way. No place for this, that, or our family. Its done now, nothing we can do but make it work for us. I just feel like I have taken this house and the things we have for granted. Sure there were times where we couldn't or shouldn't have afforded it.. but it worked for us and it was beautiful. I spent a lot of hours complaining about the way things were set up in this big house, now it seems like such a spoiled thing to complain about. I'm afraid as a family we have way more love than can fit within the walls of that house. I guess we'll see what happens anyways, but this will be a bittersweet move. Maybe after I finally get some sleep, someday..I will be okay again. But for now I must pack..and grieve...like a big emotional baby.